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Saturday, July 05, 2008

Promises to My Son

 

Matthew5

We live in an abhorrent world filled with so much display of all things repugnant, distasteful, disgraceful, ugly, hateful, and foul that I learned from my son that it was time to change it, at least in our family.  So, I made a promise to my son, Matthew, that I was not going to add to the world of reprehensible things by promising that I was not going to spew another cuss word from my slippery mouth.  Promise.  Yeap, I promise.

Matthew3 He makes the worst face when I say something distasteful, and I didn't want to see him squinch up his precious face anymore.  He came to me the other day and told me to please stop saying bad words because they hurt his ears.  I'm sure they hurt his brain too.  How could I look into those big, beautiful, blue eyes and not humble myself to his request?  I couldn't.  I melted.  I gave in.  I crumbled under the power of his gaze.  I got down on my hands and one left knee (my right knee is still - ah - hurtin' from my injury), I bowed my head, and I agreed - to the power of Matthew's existence, and because he is the cutest boy on the face of the earth - I will never cuss again.  Promise.

You heard it world, straight from my slippery mouth - and MacBook Pro laptop - that I will never, yeap I said "never" cuss again.  With a few exceptions.  Here is what we agreed:

Matthew5 I can say "crap" since that, technically, is not a dirty word.  I reserve the right to say "hell" on occasion.  Referring to the Netherworld, the abyss, and the fire and brimstone among us. 

I will, however, display my anguish, frustration, and disgust in other ways.  For instance, I will take it upon myself, and the help from my son, to create other words that sound just as nasty but have no meaning in our language.  Such as:

Shibowak
Fubernackle
Crappermebble
Fudrut
Shidlen
Spig (is this a real word?  Don't think so)
Dangnammit
Mifferbabble
Dadnumwat
Dadgummit (got that one from Ree - the Pioneer Woman)

Actually, I have learned a lot from Ree when it comes to replaceable bad words.  She's good at creating new and interesting adjectives to our vocabulary.

And, when in reference to DirecTV I can say Vect R Cred Div Tre.

You heard it straight from me and the tips of my pretty painted fingernails tapping on my keyboard - I will "never" (oh dear what have I done?) cuss again.  For any reason.  For whatever.  For dishwashers that break, and toes that stub, and knees that get broken and smashed on flagstone, and billpay day.  I will never spout another reprehensible word from my mouth. 

Matthew2 How could I say no to that face?  That handsome, distinguished, intelligent, huggable, squeezable, funny, sweet, adorable boy of mine?  Wow, this might be tough.  Then again, I think it is worth it.  I may even be adding to the wellbeing of our environment.  Think Green. Think pinchable cheeks.  Think big, pleading blue eyes.  Think sweet bunny-wabbit smile.  Think mussy hair.  Think - he's mine.  All mine.  I bow to his every command, and his every freckle.


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