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Thursday, October 09, 2008

Doctor Fix-my-knee

Dsc_0008Original Story Posted on: June 17, 2008

(Raisin Toast Homepage)

For any of you who know me personally, you know that I'm clumsy.  So clumsy of recent, in fact, that I fell about 3 weeks ago and did a real number on my right knee.  I ripped that baby open all the way down to the knee cap, which on me isn't a far journey.  I spent about 8 hours in the Emergency Room whining and maneuvering myself around in a wheel chair with my right leg extended out past the reasonable.  I did try to stay entertained by offering to race a few other patients in wheelchairs across the room, but they were obviously not in the mood. "Get lost lady, this ain't Nascar." (Nice picture of my racked up knee, don't you think?)

When I finally got back to a room and waited another hour to see a doctor, all I wanted was drugs.  Give me drugs.  I even made a few suggestions to the nice doctor. "I'll take some morphine in an IV and a couple of Percocet ought to do just fine."  "Comin' Right Up!"  After that cocktail kicked in quite nicely, I was ready for the doctor to cut off my leg if he wanted to.  Instead, he just put 5 stitches in my knee and sent me home with a prescription for more good stuff and a to-do list for my Big Bear -

Dsc_0002 1. Give her drugs
2. Rub her feet
3. Rub her head
4. Scratch her back
5. Scratch her butt (I like that a lot, especially when it itches)
6. Give her drugs
7. Rub her legs (staying clear of the infamous knee)
8. Cook
9. Clean
10. Do the laundry
11. Play with the children
12. Give her drugs. 

In other words, knock this baby out until it is all healed and she can resume a normal life.  Not.  Oh well, he did spoil me a little bit. Well, maybe a lot.  Okay, he spoiled me a whole lot! See - he stills wants to hug me.

A few days ago, I had a neighbor friend who is also a doctor offer to come over and remove my stitches.  Little did he know that I would be toting a bottle of Bactine and squirting it like a woman on a mission. "What's that going to do?" he asked.  "Prevent me from getting scurvy?  gangrene? meningitis?  Who cares!  It makes me feel better while I scream in agony here as you tear out those stitches and pick at my knee!"  I'm such a baby, and I'll be the first to admit it.

Dsc_0016_3 It's been almost 3 weeks and I still can't bend my knee.  I'm gettin' pretty good at sliding down the banister though.  Okay, maybe not.  I'm sick of being a cripple so I went to our family doctor today and asked him for a new knee.  He wasn't buyin'.  Darn.  He did, however, x-ray my knee, which strangely enough is something they did not do in the hospital.  No fractures in sight, he did decide to send me to an Orthopedic doctor later this week just to make sure nothing fishy is going on in there.  I did offer up my other knee for x-ray so that they could see what a good knee looks like, but he said they already knew what a good knee looks like.  Hey, I was just being nice.  Oh, this is a picture of Dr. Lingo.  He isn't used to having patients take his picture.

Dsc_0003 Speaking of nice, the ladies in the office were very nice - Oh, and so was the doctor, too.  So, in the event you live in Charlotte, North Carolina and want a very nice doctor with very nice assistants, nurses and all, and even an x-ray room on the premises! - Call Charlotte Medical Clinic. This is Diana - she was very nice too.  I'm so happy I live in Charlotte. :)

Dr. Lingo was very nice, especially since I took his picture and told him he better be nice to me or I would take a bad picture of him and post it all over the internet.  He was very nice.  He was also very good to me and gave me another prescription to help me sleep at night.   Oh, it helped me sleep alright.  I took one last night and didn't wake up until 8pm today.  "What day is it?"

"Hey!  Isn't anyone going to spoil me anymore?" 
Darn, I was on such a roll.

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