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Monday, December 14, 2009

Life with this Big Guy


To read the first part of this family saga - click HERE.

Just before Bob and I got married, he told his parents that he was going to make sure that every day of our life together would be an adventure.  His father waved his hand at us and said "Oh hell, you two haven't even had an argument yet, what do you know about adventure?"  I had been married before, so I knew that marriage wasn't always roses, nor would it be easy, but something inside my gut told me that he was the one.

* * * * *

I was lonely for Bob.  Here, I had promised myself that I was not, under any circumstances going to get myself involved in another relationship.  I had to focus on my studies regardless of what my hormones were telling me.  I just couldn't get him off my mind, though.

So, I bought a ticket to return to Maryland a week early and Bob was going to pick me up from the airport and we were going to go to dinner.  He was surprised and happy that I was coming home early.  During the 2 hour flight home I thought about what I wanted out of my life, and more than anything I knew that I wanted a family - a whole family - and a loving husband.  And I thought "what is love anyway?"  With numerous broken relationships in my past, I wasn't convinced I could answer that question with any degree of understanding.  I had been hurt before and I didn't want to get hurt again.

By the time the plane landed, I had made a decision.  It was a conscious decision mixed with many good emotions too.  It wasn't all love and lust is what I am trying to say, because in the case of this new man in my life, I knew him.  I felt comfortable with him.  I could be totally myself when I was with him.  Most importantly, when I was with Bob, I felt good about myself. 

That night Bob and I had dinner and talked and he asked me to marry him.  I said "yes."  Unlike any man who came before, Bob just felt "right."  I didn't have a doubt in my mind that this was what love was supposed to be - comfortable.  No fluff. 

I had grown up I suppose.  I had finally learned that love truly was something that needed to come from within.  That attraction needs to come from the heart and mind.  That although attraction on a physical level is very important, what 2 people share needs to go beyond the bedroom or it will never last.  Lust just doesn't last forever.  That puppy love of new can only go so far and then everything comes crashing down when true colors show up, when bills have to be paid, when you get sick or injured, when you're completely exhausted. 


Bob in family room

With Bob it went deeper.  When I looked at him, I saw the man I wanted to spend my life with.  He had a heart of gold.  He was thoughtful, intelligent, educated, loving.  Sure, he had his flaws, but who am I to judge?  I have quite a few flaws myself - and probably more than he does.   I had not only decided that I really did "love" Bob with all my heart, but that this time I was going to get this right.

Bob's mother was not happy.  I think she wanted to kill me.  I won't go into that.  Just suffice it to say that no woman was good enough for her son, and especially me.  I turned the other cheek.  I was looking straight at Bob and he was looking at no one but me.  We decided to get married on January 15th, 1993.  Just 6 weeks after the high school reunion, but what seemed a lifetime of "knowing."



In less than a week, Bob and I had made arrangements at our church, handmade and wrote our own wedding invitations, managed to get a friend to take the pictures, another friend to sing at the wedding, co-workers to help with the decorations, make the cake, and cook for the reception.  Bob, the doll that he is, took me to a wedding store and told me to pick the gown that I wanted.  He didn't want to see it until the wedding.  He shopped while I tried on gowns and I found a lovely ivory gown that made me feel like a princess.  I purchased a simple veil, then Bob took me to G-Street fabrics where I found some beautiful embellishments and created a beautiful veil to go with my gown by adding pearls and ribbon.  



On January 15th, 1993, at 7:30 in the evening, Bob and I married in a simple and elegant ceremony.  We had about 200 of our closest friends and family there to share in our beginning together.  



Well, Bob promised it would be an adventure, and here, 17 years later I have to agree that it has been an adventure.  Not all good.  Not all bad.  Not all warm and fuzzy and not all cold and clammy either.  We've had our ups and our downs, but together we've been riding this roller-coaster with our hands in the air screaming "yee-haw" the entire ride.



I can't imagine my life without this big guy.  He is my life.  He is the reason I get up in the morning.  He is the joy in my life.  He is the father of my children.  He has been good to my mother who has lived with us for 12 years.  He has been a brother to my brothers and a friend to my friends.  He has gone out of his way to provide us all with a good and loving home.  He is the security in my life. 



I've never known anyone who can do as much as he can.  He can do plumbing and electrical work.  He can do landscaping and irrigation.  He can build a deck, lay tile, and wire a house for wireless networks in a flash.  He cannot put in garbage disposals without cussing (so I do it).  He can bulid businesses, travel the world, make important decisions for big corporate organizations, and cook dinner too.  

Together we have laid wood floors, painted walls, caulked, laid tile, wallpapered, built fancy arched walls with columns, mowed acres and acres of grass, planted over 200 big, dang trees, purchased 3 homes, had 2 babies, added a grandson to the mix, cared for 3 elderly parents, and raised a family in a happy home.  Through the good times and the tough, it has been worth every minute. 

I think I made a good decision 17 years ago.



He's my Big Bear - my hunk of burnin' love - and a really good pillow too. (And yes, I will kiss him for a 20)

to be continued ... (for another 17 years at least)

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